you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
