i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
