My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
