I can tuck mytits in my pants
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
