And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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