sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
