PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
