ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
