mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
