I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
