If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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