I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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