Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
