I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
