I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
