she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
