I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
In America we eat man semen.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wear drunk well.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
