idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
