I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Randomize
