Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
