so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
