At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
