Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
