Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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