his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
