i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
