I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize