I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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