what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
