how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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