you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
