I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Rumble strips road head = magical
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
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