I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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