I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
