shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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