we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
nutella sex= disaster
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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