I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
