The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
