Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
