halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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