No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
