No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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