dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
