People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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