Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
