I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
