A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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