I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
