I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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