my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
