I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
