just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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