i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
