Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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