quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
