Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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