Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
