omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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