We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Maybe he injected his testicle?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
