I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
