Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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