Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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