: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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