I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
